Benjamin Leighton Matlock & Associates, representatives of Sr. Christopher W. P****** A******, are writing you in an effort to resolve a Fraud and Corruption Claim without protracted litigation. This claim is against Mr. Patrick "Buttons" K******* Jr. as well as any and all underlings that emerge as a result of further investigations (e.g. League Commissioner Joaquin V***** P****).
On September 7th 2021, Sr. P****** A****** formed the team known as “America’s Next Popp Model” and joined the Point Per Reception Fantasy Football league known as “Gin and Chronic”. On the eve of the draft, Sr. P****** A****** wrote a post on the league’s message board expressing legitimate concerns that Mr. K******* would attempt to manipulate the league outside the proper codes of conduct. In the weeks since, Mr. K******* has committed numerous transgressions.
Notable Fraud and Corruption (to date)
(a) Illegal drafting practices.
(b) Collusion and criminal alliance with League Commissioner V***** P****.
(c) Extorting and bribing various “Gin and Chronic” league members into silence and obedience.
(d) Kidnapping Green Bay Packers’ Quarterback Aaron Rodgers and replacing him with a Tesla Bot in Week One.
(e) Infiltrating the National Football League’s computer servers in their Manhattan headquarters.
(f) Match fixing the Week Nine matchup between “Christian McGibblets” and “76th Street Rat Kings”.
(g) Infecting Mr. Aaron Rodgers with the COVID-19 virus.
On behalf of Sr. P****** A***** we are filing suit against the aforementioned parties. This message board post serves as a pre-litigation courtesy in an attempt to resolve this claim outside of a court of law. You will find we have mailed you all the necessary documentation. Please contact us after you have reviewed the records to discuss settlement of this claim.
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